I'm a Jerk...

So I was in Starbucks today and I was telling a few of my co-workers about a prank my cousin Matt and I pulled on this guy named "Bob" who would frequent our Starbucks. Bob is a nice guy who enjoys a lot of fictional reading - I personally dislike fiction. He was supposed to publish a book, but the publisher, which operated out of the basement of his own house went defunct and the deal fell through. Bob is some kind of "dialer analyst" who works for Great American Ins. in the IT dept. and most reminds me of Dwight Schrute from The Office in the way that he is all knowing in the areas of true useless information and is always serious. I mean I know random facts and useless information, but not in the way Bob does.

Bob looks like an ex-powerlifter who has not worked out in a while. Standing with proper posture at around 6'-2" and a huge chest with a gut and could still probably take me out with some kind of crazy bō staff moves. He is very serious like Dwight and can be easily led on to explain useless information for hours. He also talks with a deep voice and can always be seen with a feathered Camaro cut and a paperback novel. He would order a decaf coffee and some kind of pastry, usually a muffin or coffee cake.

One time I moved the book he left on a table at Starbucks to the counter so he would think that he is losing his mind. Similar to the time when Jim told Dwight it is Friday, when it is really Thursday and Dwight never showed up to work on Friday because he thought it was Saturday. Very funny, and it was the time I moved the book because he came back up to the counter and asked if I saw his book on the table. I said, "no I have not seen your... is this it, the one here on the counter?" "Yeah, someone must have moved it because I know I did not bring it up here," he responded. I then said, "hummm... who knows..."

So today I was enjoying those fond memories while my co-workers and cousin were there and as I was telling my cousin he acted like he had no clue who this guy was. Surely I knew otherwise so I continued to jog his memories and I was finally able to figure out Bob's name, and I said it out loud and then my cousin said, "Oh you mean the Bob who is right behind you." My heart stopped and I was like, oh $h!t this cannot be true. Sure enough it was. Bob was sitting right behind me. I was like, yeah you remind me of my other cousin (who is currently working at this Starbucks and was a linbacker in High School and is one in College) because you and him both have a huge chest. Bob said, "oh, yeah I do have a big chest" and then proceeded to shut his promotional copy of a new release paperback, gather his belongings and leave the store.

Matt (my cousin) laughed at me after Bob left then proceeded to tell me the he was purposefully playing dumb so that I would not look like a fool. I did not catch on and made myself look like a jerk. Hopefully Bob thinks I was not having fun at his expense, although I was, because he lacks a sense of humor and is probably the butt of most jokes.

The lesson learned is the old one that if I do not have anything nice to say that I should keep my big mouth shut. Growing up in my family and extended family one had to learn how to be the butt of jokes and then how to make others the butt. From this experience I can be a jerk and have fun at the expense of others, it is just this time I was caught and the lesson hit home more. Mostly because I feel sorry for people who take life and themselves seriously and never laugh at themselves or life.

I mean I am a pastor to teenagers who decide to press every elevator button, even the alarms, when we stay in a hotel downtown. How do I explain that job to people who do not have any church experience? I'm probably labeled as one who has not grown up myself or a fundamentalist who has no fun in life... My heart breaks...